Projecting into the future when I am well known for my literature and celebrated for my insightful and prophetic musings, here is how I see an interview with me unfolding.
Interviewer: What do you like most about people?
Me: Generally, I don’t like people including you.
Interviewer: Oh, okay.
Me: Don’t take it personally. I consider myself an equal opportunity hater. I don’t like anyone. Please carry on. Would you like another cup of coffee?
Interviewer: Uh, no thank you. You have now published three best sellers and are known around the world for your work and often your uncanny ability to predict the future of nations. What would you consider your greatest accomplishment?
Me: Being able to sit here and not give a shit about you or anyone else. How about a cookie, I made them myself???
Interviewer: Would you like this interview to end, you seem a little grumpy?
Me: I don’t really give a rat’s ass. Your call.
Interviewer: Okay, let’s switch to politics. You seem very critical of America. Where do you think we went wrong?
Me: It started with the early 1900s, then the 60s and ended with Obama. Biggest mistake this country ever made. Removing God from the classroom and public buildings was also a mistake. Now, I just laugh as society continues to crumble around us.
Interviewer: Yes, but the Constitution grants us separation of Church and state.
Me: No it does not idiot. Read the Constitution and come back to me. Next question (said as I look at my watch). Let’s hurry this along. I have a tee time in an hour.
Interviewer: Have you ever considered running for office?
Me: No. I am not narcissistic enough, nor am I a sociopath.
Interviewer: You really don’t like politicians do you?
Interviewer: Am I boring you?
Me: What was your first clue?
Interviewer: Why are you so angry?
Me: I live in a world where black is white, white is black, right is wrong, wrong is right … essentially everything is backwards. I should be asking you, why are you so angry? Then again you’re in the media. Why am I even talking to you? Get out of my house!
Interviewer: Really? You can’t be serious.
Me: Yes, really. leave before I put my foot up your ass!
Interviewer: Screw you!
Me: You too!
Me: And stay out!
Just like that. My last and only interview with the main stream media.